![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
returning from anxiety + depression paralysis
I am back! from what? nothing, really, other than a drought of posting due to my various neuroses and also, inexplicably, 14 viruses that installed themselves onto my laptop and prevented me from using it for about a week and a half. fun stuff! thankfully baby's all fixed now and working fine, so I'm celebrating by chilling at my local coffeeshop again and writing some more (and debating if I wanna try their aperol spritz thingys, tommy needy drinky etc etc)... I've been going analog for a little while now but my brain works at about 2x the speed of my hands and the ensuing cramps are not pleasant, to say the least. I'm glad to be back to typing.
I wish I could say I've been working on that recipe blog horror thing, but, well... I got sidetracked by yet another idea. I know, I know, feel free to throw tomatoes. this one's actually a bit of a strange departure for me - a somewhat autobiographical, stream-of-consciousness, journal entry type thing about the past few years of my life. I don't really expect this to go anywhere, it's more of an emotional letting of steam for me and writing exercise all in one, but it has been very strangely satisfying to write. I've had a lot of feelings and opinions about the general direction of my life the past two years that I've never expressed to anyone, just sort of let them rattle around and simmer in my mind, and getting them out onto paper (or screen, I guess) has been really relieving. of course, the hyper-personal and incredibly detail-laden nature of this project makes me completely and totally incapable of sharing it anywhere, for fear of major characters happening to find it in the digital wild and recognizing themselves. I'm not exactly vague with notable events, to say the least.
it is kind of a shame, as I could see this becoming a rather neat little novella with enough time and cleaning up. I actually mustered up the courage to share some of it with my friend (possibly the only IRL person I'd trust to show this to,) and they had said I should post some of it here, at least, as they liked the writing and really there's only one person it would disastrously effect to find this stuff and she's not anywhere around dreamwidth so far as either of us know, but... I still have my hesitations. maybe with enough time and some more distance I'll feel confident enough to share some, but for now I'll just keep picking away at it. and cast the occasional glance at Tablesetting and The Aperture Record from the corner of my eye.
anyway! things aren't so bad. I'm planning on going to the park next week and walking around outside for a while. my brother roped me into flying to brooklyn to see a concert when I was in my "everything's-fucked-spend-all-my-money" phase of unhealthy coping. I went out clubbing and realized that I do like clubbing, actually, despite many years thinking that the whole bar/club scene didn't agree with me. I'm sort of riding a wave of mildly irresponsible financial decisions right now but this is the first time in my life I've let myself spend money unthinkingly and I think at this point I deserve to make a few bad decisions that are in my control for once, rather than being fucked over by the mysterious forces of the universe. I spent years saving this money up, damnit, I can burn it if I want to!
I'm exaggerating a bit, of course. but I do like to exaggerate.
I think I'll pick up some sangrias while I'm out...
I wish I could say I've been working on that recipe blog horror thing, but, well... I got sidetracked by yet another idea. I know, I know, feel free to throw tomatoes. this one's actually a bit of a strange departure for me - a somewhat autobiographical, stream-of-consciousness, journal entry type thing about the past few years of my life. I don't really expect this to go anywhere, it's more of an emotional letting of steam for me and writing exercise all in one, but it has been very strangely satisfying to write. I've had a lot of feelings and opinions about the general direction of my life the past two years that I've never expressed to anyone, just sort of let them rattle around and simmer in my mind, and getting them out onto paper (or screen, I guess) has been really relieving. of course, the hyper-personal and incredibly detail-laden nature of this project makes me completely and totally incapable of sharing it anywhere, for fear of major characters happening to find it in the digital wild and recognizing themselves. I'm not exactly vague with notable events, to say the least.
it is kind of a shame, as I could see this becoming a rather neat little novella with enough time and cleaning up. I actually mustered up the courage to share some of it with my friend (possibly the only IRL person I'd trust to show this to,) and they had said I should post some of it here, at least, as they liked the writing and really there's only one person it would disastrously effect to find this stuff and she's not anywhere around dreamwidth so far as either of us know, but... I still have my hesitations. maybe with enough time and some more distance I'll feel confident enough to share some, but for now I'll just keep picking away at it. and cast the occasional glance at Tablesetting and The Aperture Record from the corner of my eye.
anyway! things aren't so bad. I'm planning on going to the park next week and walking around outside for a while. my brother roped me into flying to brooklyn to see a concert when I was in my "everything's-fucked-spend-all-my-money" phase of unhealthy coping. I went out clubbing and realized that I do like clubbing, actually, despite many years thinking that the whole bar/club scene didn't agree with me. I'm sort of riding a wave of mildly irresponsible financial decisions right now but this is the first time in my life I've let myself spend money unthinkingly and I think at this point I deserve to make a few bad decisions that are in my control for once, rather than being fucked over by the mysterious forces of the universe. I spent years saving this money up, damnit, I can burn it if I want to!
I'm exaggerating a bit, of course. but I do like to exaggerate.
I think I'll pick up some sangrias while I'm out...