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if it's not one thing, it's another...
Dec. 29th, 2024 02:59 pmit seems I've become caught in the crossfire of some sort of spat between my roommates. I have no clue the extent of it, as we all have different work schedules and it's often that we aren't even in the house at the same time, but when we are the vibe is absolutely poisonous to be in. then again, as someone who's been in a permanent fawn state since I was about three years old, my vibe detection sensors are violently oversensitive and prone to making me worried to physical sickness when it's absolutely not necessary... so maybe I'm overreacting a bit.
there is certainly something going on, though. I won't get in to detail but it's absolutely agonizing to be around the house recently. I'm hiding out at my little coffee shop, writing some jaws fic and trying to relax, but it's hard to unwind when my 4 days off have been tainted with the air of anxiety at whatever is going on. to make matters worse, I have no idea if I've done something to draw their ire as well, since instead of communicating we're all just sort of existing in this weird pattern of ignoring each other and doing our own thing. it feels absolutely childish, but I have no idea how to approach this, or how to get everyone to say their peace and be done with it. one of my roommates gets home late and practically sprints into his bedroom as soon as he's through the door recently.
I just really wish I could unwind and actually relax. it feels like it's just one thing after another, and I don't get any time to catch a breather before something else blindsides me. I get so overwhelmed with fear and anxiety that I end up switching to angry instead, and that type of anger and irritation doesn't help anybody.
I have been realizing recently just how little I've ever actually been or held onto my anger. I try to bend my will to appease as many people as possible, and in doing so, there's definitely no room for me to be angry or upset or anything. I let go of grudges nearly as soon as I make them. I try so hard to forgive and forget, and let everything slide off me. Well. It's not exactly the healthiest way to be. I'm wondering if I'm entitled to some frustration in this situation... but also I worry that what I'm actually doing is making other peoples' arguments and interpersonal issues my own and then getting angry when I get anxious about something that isn't actually much of my business at all. how much of this is even my problem??? I have no way to know, as none of us are communicating with each other. have I done something? have I not?? am I just sort of a background character in all this???
anyways, sorry for the silly vent posting recently. I'll try to lighten up on doing this, as I think spewing all this out on the internet isn't the best coping mechanism. Thankfully I've got a therapy appointment scheduled soon and can talk some of this out with a professional. that's where I'll try to leave most of this stuff in the future, rather than a public website.
jaws fic is going pretty well, though!
there is certainly something going on, though. I won't get in to detail but it's absolutely agonizing to be around the house recently. I'm hiding out at my little coffee shop, writing some jaws fic and trying to relax, but it's hard to unwind when my 4 days off have been tainted with the air of anxiety at whatever is going on. to make matters worse, I have no idea if I've done something to draw their ire as well, since instead of communicating we're all just sort of existing in this weird pattern of ignoring each other and doing our own thing. it feels absolutely childish, but I have no idea how to approach this, or how to get everyone to say their peace and be done with it. one of my roommates gets home late and practically sprints into his bedroom as soon as he's through the door recently.
I just really wish I could unwind and actually relax. it feels like it's just one thing after another, and I don't get any time to catch a breather before something else blindsides me. I get so overwhelmed with fear and anxiety that I end up switching to angry instead, and that type of anger and irritation doesn't help anybody.
I have been realizing recently just how little I've ever actually been or held onto my anger. I try to bend my will to appease as many people as possible, and in doing so, there's definitely no room for me to be angry or upset or anything. I let go of grudges nearly as soon as I make them. I try so hard to forgive and forget, and let everything slide off me. Well. It's not exactly the healthiest way to be. I'm wondering if I'm entitled to some frustration in this situation... but also I worry that what I'm actually doing is making other peoples' arguments and interpersonal issues my own and then getting angry when I get anxious about something that isn't actually much of my business at all. how much of this is even my problem??? I have no way to know, as none of us are communicating with each other. have I done something? have I not?? am I just sort of a background character in all this???
anyways, sorry for the silly vent posting recently. I'll try to lighten up on doing this, as I think spewing all this out on the internet isn't the best coping mechanism. Thankfully I've got a therapy appointment scheduled soon and can talk some of this out with a professional. that's where I'll try to leave most of this stuff in the future, rather than a public website.
jaws fic is going pretty well, though!
