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Happy birthday to meee~
Apr. 4th, 2025 06:22 pmTwo days from now, I turn 25
The past few years have given birthdays a sense of dull repetition, rather than any sort of excitement or marked change, but I find myself being strangely antsy about this one. 25 whole years, a nice round-sounding number with Weight to it. I’ve found myself already referring to myself as a 25 year old on accident in conversations. There is a sort of anticipation that isn’t unlike dread, but also isn’t quite dread either.
I had resolved to not do anything for my birthdays anymore and to not make a big fuss out of them, it seemed like the Adult thing to do. But on a lark I asked for the weekend off and decided to ask if any of my friends were free and now it seems I’ll be having a nine-person get-together in our cramped little house with a cake and the whole nine yards… not sure how that happened, but I’m very excited for it! Though I keep trying to catch myself and make myself less excited. Tempering expectations, I guess, I just keep expecting everyone to drop out last minute.
Today our water heater blew up. Literally. Thankfully nobody was hurt and it was all internal and nothing caught fire, we just don’t have hot water anymore, but there was a moment seconds after the pop and bang that I asked myself if I just died and if what comes after is just a continuation of this forever. I pretty quickly got over that silly thought, but I was still shaken up for a while afterwards. Jesus it was scary. But it made me feel a lot more thankful for the things I still have - after my subsequent panic-induced sobbing of course. My roommate is cleaning the backyard and sawing logs so we can have a mini bonfire for the birthday celebration. One of my friends is picking up a specific brand of sangria because my local grocery stopped carrying it. Everyone is coming together and doing this one thing for *me,* specifically, and I feel so grateful it’s almost painful. Like I don’t deserve it, I guess. I feel the need to be the one giving everyone gifts, to thank them for being here in my life and crossing paths with me.
I don’t know, I’ve got a lot of things going on in my brain right now. Mostly bad. This year has been really difficult for a lot of reasons so far but my new years’ resolution specifically was to think about and acknowledge the times I’ve been happy, and I’m trying to work my way back to that. The same man has come to our house for every gas related incident we’ve had (numerous) and he is always so kind and capable. There are so many pretty birds in our backyard. The weather is nice and I can sit outside for hours. The other day it rained for just a minute and I got to run back inside through the yard and into nice air conditioning. We have wild blackberries growing in our bushes. I have so many more books to read.
I’m hoping that being 25 will be ok
The past few years have given birthdays a sense of dull repetition, rather than any sort of excitement or marked change, but I find myself being strangely antsy about this one. 25 whole years, a nice round-sounding number with Weight to it. I’ve found myself already referring to myself as a 25 year old on accident in conversations. There is a sort of anticipation that isn’t unlike dread, but also isn’t quite dread either.
I had resolved to not do anything for my birthdays anymore and to not make a big fuss out of them, it seemed like the Adult thing to do. But on a lark I asked for the weekend off and decided to ask if any of my friends were free and now it seems I’ll be having a nine-person get-together in our cramped little house with a cake and the whole nine yards… not sure how that happened, but I’m very excited for it! Though I keep trying to catch myself and make myself less excited. Tempering expectations, I guess, I just keep expecting everyone to drop out last minute.
Today our water heater blew up. Literally. Thankfully nobody was hurt and it was all internal and nothing caught fire, we just don’t have hot water anymore, but there was a moment seconds after the pop and bang that I asked myself if I just died and if what comes after is just a continuation of this forever. I pretty quickly got over that silly thought, but I was still shaken up for a while afterwards. Jesus it was scary. But it made me feel a lot more thankful for the things I still have - after my subsequent panic-induced sobbing of course. My roommate is cleaning the backyard and sawing logs so we can have a mini bonfire for the birthday celebration. One of my friends is picking up a specific brand of sangria because my local grocery stopped carrying it. Everyone is coming together and doing this one thing for *me,* specifically, and I feel so grateful it’s almost painful. Like I don’t deserve it, I guess. I feel the need to be the one giving everyone gifts, to thank them for being here in my life and crossing paths with me.
I don’t know, I’ve got a lot of things going on in my brain right now. Mostly bad. This year has been really difficult for a lot of reasons so far but my new years’ resolution specifically was to think about and acknowledge the times I’ve been happy, and I’m trying to work my way back to that. The same man has come to our house for every gas related incident we’ve had (numerous) and he is always so kind and capable. There are so many pretty birds in our backyard. The weather is nice and I can sit outside for hours. The other day it rained for just a minute and I got to run back inside through the yard and into nice air conditioning. We have wild blackberries growing in our bushes. I have so many more books to read.
I’m hoping that being 25 will be ok
