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every single aspect of my life is basically up in the air right now. job, housing, goals, wants, passions... I'm juggling a million things and all of them are hovering above me in the millisecond before they all come back down and I'm standing anticipating it all, right in the moment before I either catch them and continue the cycle or drop them all and catastrophically fuck up. Throw a sword of Damocles in there as well, just for a fun little twist.
That's what it feels like, at least. So far as I can tell this is par for the course for being alive in your 20's, but I still wish I could have like... a single week of calm where I'm not, at some point, feeling like my whole world is crashing down around me.
I'm exaggerating, of course, but that's kind of what my anxiety disorder always does. Everything is actually the most extreme, worst possible version of itself, and it will last forever and be agonizing the entire time. I'm trying to make my thoughts a bit more sensible, but of course, I still have a long way to go.
Writing it out like this helps, I think. Just putting things into perspective. The world won't actually end, no matter what happens - this is a stressful period of change in my life that I have to adjust to, and that will bring some unhappy moments and some unwanted feelings but like anything else I just have to persist through it and find the joy elsewhere. I will NOT let this horrid stress ruin my peace living out my coffeeshop AU fantasy of writing fanfic at my computer while sipping a hot chocolate and listening to the Grand Budapest Hotel soundtrack waiting for the guy who excitedly complimented my one piece stickers to show up.
That's what it feels like, at least. So far as I can tell this is par for the course for being alive in your 20's, but I still wish I could have like... a single week of calm where I'm not, at some point, feeling like my whole world is crashing down around me.
I'm exaggerating, of course, but that's kind of what my anxiety disorder always does. Everything is actually the most extreme, worst possible version of itself, and it will last forever and be agonizing the entire time. I'm trying to make my thoughts a bit more sensible, but of course, I still have a long way to go.
Writing it out like this helps, I think. Just putting things into perspective. The world won't actually end, no matter what happens - this is a stressful period of change in my life that I have to adjust to, and that will bring some unhappy moments and some unwanted feelings but like anything else I just have to persist through it and find the joy elsewhere. I will NOT let this horrid stress ruin my peace living out my coffeeshop AU fantasy of writing fanfic at my computer while sipping a hot chocolate and listening to the Grand Budapest Hotel soundtrack waiting for the guy who excitedly complimented my one piece stickers to show up.
