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stuck and unsure where to go
Dec. 16th, 2024 02:16 pmI've written a little over 10k words in the Aperture Record! yippee!! now the problem is... I'm considering throwing a good chunk of it out.
I'm not quite there just yet, but I'm definitely considering it. I'm looking at the outlines I have for these first few chapters and the things I've written so far and I find myself wondering what exactly I'm trying to say here, or if anybody would even find this interesting. I kept telling myself I'm writing the setup right now, and things will get well and truly wild and interesting later, but... I fear I'm going in circles stalling myself by writing the setup and never actually getting to the interesting part.
I enjoy what I have so far, don't get me wrong - I just don't think the majority of portal fanfic readers will find my 6ish chapters of dry, academic-style analysis all that interesting... but I don't know. this thing certainly needs a couple drafts before I'd consider it finished, so maybe rewriting it a few times would help me in that department. overall, though, I'm not too sure what I'm wanting to convey if and when I do get to the wild and interesting parts. my greatest fear is this thing accidentally morphing into one of those looong youtube videos that promise analysis or interesting commentary on a thing and only end up recapping every ounce of the thing with no additional interpretation. I want to use portal as a game series to say something!! it's so full of both blatant and subtle themes about capitalism and American sentiments towards ephemeral ideas of 'progress' and 'advancement' at any cost! I want to be able to contribute to that and make something that resonates with people!! I'm just not sure what exactly I want to explore here. should I also focus on the themes of corporations and capitalism in america? should I focus on personhood and the systematic denial of it to marginalized communities? should I focus on a situationist interpretation that focuses on the heightened unreality of Aperture as an institution? rrrgh I just find myself incapable of picking a direction and walking in it, instead ambling in random squiggles all across the map.
I think there may be room for all of these things within the record, but really, I want the large overarching theme to be the use of capitalism in 1900s america. the other ideas are sort of branching subgenres of that lens anyway, at least I can write it that way. perhaps I just need to keep that overall theme in mind when writing, and I'll have more of a direction. I don't know. for now, I'm gonna shift focus to a different part that excites me a bit more, and hopefully that will spark some inspiration for this intro bit.
also... I should really draw some. I've been writing for weeks now because it takes a bit less energy for me and I've been exhausted at this job, but now that I've got a cool five days off I might as well actually do some of the thing I'm passionate about, lol.
I'm not quite there just yet, but I'm definitely considering it. I'm looking at the outlines I have for these first few chapters and the things I've written so far and I find myself wondering what exactly I'm trying to say here, or if anybody would even find this interesting. I kept telling myself I'm writing the setup right now, and things will get well and truly wild and interesting later, but... I fear I'm going in circles stalling myself by writing the setup and never actually getting to the interesting part.
I enjoy what I have so far, don't get me wrong - I just don't think the majority of portal fanfic readers will find my 6ish chapters of dry, academic-style analysis all that interesting... but I don't know. this thing certainly needs a couple drafts before I'd consider it finished, so maybe rewriting it a few times would help me in that department. overall, though, I'm not too sure what I'm wanting to convey if and when I do get to the wild and interesting parts. my greatest fear is this thing accidentally morphing into one of those looong youtube videos that promise analysis or interesting commentary on a thing and only end up recapping every ounce of the thing with no additional interpretation. I want to use portal as a game series to say something!! it's so full of both blatant and subtle themes about capitalism and American sentiments towards ephemeral ideas of 'progress' and 'advancement' at any cost! I want to be able to contribute to that and make something that resonates with people!! I'm just not sure what exactly I want to explore here. should I also focus on the themes of corporations and capitalism in america? should I focus on personhood and the systematic denial of it to marginalized communities? should I focus on a situationist interpretation that focuses on the heightened unreality of Aperture as an institution? rrrgh I just find myself incapable of picking a direction and walking in it, instead ambling in random squiggles all across the map.
I think there may be room for all of these things within the record, but really, I want the large overarching theme to be the use of capitalism in 1900s america. the other ideas are sort of branching subgenres of that lens anyway, at least I can write it that way. perhaps I just need to keep that overall theme in mind when writing, and I'll have more of a direction. I don't know. for now, I'm gonna shift focus to a different part that excites me a bit more, and hopefully that will spark some inspiration for this intro bit.
also... I should really draw some. I've been writing for weeks now because it takes a bit less energy for me and I've been exhausted at this job, but now that I've got a cool five days off I might as well actually do some of the thing I'm passionate about, lol.
